Winter Humor Collector Gifts

Cold Callers!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

'There, that should freak 'em out.'

I made snow angels in my good clothes and mom gave me the devil for it!

'That was quite a snow storm last night.'

'It's easy, just wee!'

"Frosty the Repairman"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"I'll admit I've packed on a few extra pounds, but it's only water weight."

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

"Identity theft hotline? Yes, it's Dracula again. Millions of people are still stealing my identity on Halloween."

"You have ice water in your veins."

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

Well, technically, no, you don't have seasonal affective disorder.

"Aw, geez. My nuts are frozen." "T-T-Tell me about it."

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

"Oooo. That's cold."

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"Sorry Ma'am, but lamb delivery is only available in Spring..."

'Van Helsing, I've told you that just Holy Water isn't enough to kill count Snowcula! You need HOT Holy Water!'

"Fruitcake?""I'm stuffed."

It's a bit derivative.

"It's freezing out here - can I come in?"

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

Outdoor Dining: Winter Edition

Frosty decides to have a carrot job

"It's your turn to shovel the perch."

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.