Wino Wannabe Gifts

Wino Appreciation Group

Zorro as a child.

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

As Seen On TV

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

"When we talked on the phone I never said that I was a non-drinking man! I said a one-drink man!"

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Alcoholic's X-Ray

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

Wine Hourglass

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

The Guy Who Invented An Alcohol Substitute

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

'I shouldn't be surprised. Any restaurant that serves Tofurkey is bound to recommend MerNo or Chardon-No-Way to drink with it.'

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

"What a guy!"