Wino With A Budget Gifts

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

Wino Appreciation Group

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

A janitor stomps on, mops up and bottles some grapes to make "Truly Affordable Beaujolais".

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

"When we talked on the phone I never said that I was a non-drinking man! I said a one-drink man!"

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"What wine goes well with 'broke'?"

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

Price and serving size: A guide.

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'All I can say is, if you like trying new beers and hate having money, this is the one for you.'

Mmmm... Eminently palatable yet slightly robust. And no corkage fee!

"Why did you tell them we are vegetarians?

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

'These prices are making me feel sick, Dear!'

"Because of what's been happening to food prices and our stocks, we will no longer throw away anything that resembles food..."

"Well, I always find the cheapest French, Greek and Italian wines for binge drinking."

Paying for Food on Your Phone

'Hoots-Mon... with a wee dram at these prices I'll never get tipsy!'

You're economizing. ONly one letter in the alphabet soup.

"I always gulp my wine - it evaporates, you know."

'Right ho Fred - turn it on...'

'Correct, $18.50 for your glass of Chablis, and $21.95 for the lady's glass of Merlot - good thing you ordered the house wines.'

A wine enthusiast takes advantage of recycling system.

"I'm looking for a wine that doesn't linger on the wallet."