Winning A Talent Show Gifts

Mic Drop

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

The Drummer

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Piers Morgan.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Trump commissions song

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

The Ox Factor

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"

The ocean is no place for a star.

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'You call that carol singing?'

'Each one of you will to sing your job creation and tax plans. . . the 'American Idle' will vote for 'the American President'.'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Jerusalem's Got Talent