Winery Manager Gifts

"Relax, Pop. Payroll is down and production is up."

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Pete Townshend Vineyards

A Good Batch.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I make it myself!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

Opening the Barrel

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Who's the new guy?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'