Wine Company Employee Gifts

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

true love.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Nouveau wine

"Bring us your dustiest bottle of wine."

'Red for me, please.'

"Harold, please -- the wine steward is entitled to his opinion, too."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'