Winemaker Fan Gifts

"He changed water into wine!"

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Pete Townshend Vineyards

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I make it myself!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'