Wine Wisecracker T-Shirts

"Ahh, wine. Grape juice that went on to earn a graduate degree."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Man...You age great!'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'