Boozy Wisecracker T-Shirts

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

Higher wisdom...

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'The Karma of the marketplace is about to overwhelm the Dogma of policy making,'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Birthdays are like life...the more you have, the more illuminated you become.'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"