Boozy Wisecracker Pillows

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

Higher wisdom...

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'The Karma of the marketplace is about to overwhelm the Dogma of policy making,'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'