Water Wisecracker Pillows

"You don't need a mask, I filled it with hand sanitizer." (man swimming in a pool, inviting in another person who is wearing a mask)

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

But there are other pleasures still for the fisherman's delight....for nature is everywhere about him.

'Throw me back and I'll tell you where a 12-pounder is hiding.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

He is happy to take almost any kind of fish...

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'You are doing it wrong.'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Remember, Grindley; Neither a borrower nor a lender be: The real profit is in being the middle man.'

'If wine is 85% water, as long as I leave over 15%, I guess I can drink all I want.'

'Well, that's a tough question, son. The truth is no one knows what happens when we die, although most religions do believe in some kind of persistent vegetative state.'

"You know what burns me up? I deliberately kept my life uneventful, and I got old anyway."

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'