Wine Teacher Gifts

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Sauvignon Bonk

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Bacchus.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."