Wind Speed Jokers Pillows

"He talks at 100 miles an hour." "With gusts up to 120."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

'You are pigeon toed.'

'Look...it's almost empty! Those pesky birds need to quit stealin' the food out of this squirrel feeder!'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

A man squashed by a giant leaf

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

"With the way the weather is these days I went ahead and packed my bathing suit, sun screen and cross country skis."

Autumn Only $5 Per Bag

Snow baby

'She's no ladybird Stan...' - Ladybird says 'bum...bottom.'

"The bad news is climate change is for real. The good news is it will make the liberal left extinct by 2050."

Cut down your own tree.

"Have you ever wondered if there's more to life than this..?"

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

'It was a gift from AARP.'

Bull in field lurking behind tree waiting to ambush ramblers.

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

"I'm afraid it's bad news...You have a Tuba!"

'Was it windy last night...?'

I think I'm retaining water.

Literal Following of Directions: RUN

Death Goes For A Jog

Sand sailing in the Sahara

Exercise yard: 'It's windy this morning!' (Arrows on uniform all blowing away).

Lightning Bug Bullies

Bear with 'Bear Aspirin': 'I have one grizzly headache.'