Wind Speed Jokers Pillows

"He talks at 100 miles an hour." "With gusts up to 120."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

Giggle.

'Look...it's almost empty! Those pesky birds need to quit stealin' the food out of this squirrel feeder!'

'You are pigeon toed.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

Autumn Only $5 Per Bag

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

"With the way the weather is these days I went ahead and packed my bathing suit, sun screen and cross country skis."

A man squashed by a giant leaf

'She's no ladybird Stan...' - Ladybird says 'bum...bottom.'

Snow baby

"The bad news is climate change is for real. The good news is it will make the liberal left extinct by 2050."

Cut down your own tree.

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

'It was a gift from AARP.'

"Have you ever wondered if there's more to life than this..?"

Bull in field lurking behind tree waiting to ambush ramblers.

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

"I'm afraid it's bad news...You have a Tuba!"

'Was it windy last night...?'

'I fell off my stool...'

Literal Following of Directions: RUN

Exercise yard: 'It's windy this morning!' (Arrows on uniform all blowing away).

Death Goes For A Jog

Bear with 'Bear Aspirin': 'I have one grizzly headache.'

Lightning Bug Bullies