Will Writing Gifts

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

I'll be gone soon, but I've thought of you all in my will... I wonder if it'll be enough to get the loft done?

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Campaign for Plain English

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Torturing the English Language

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"