Whoopee Cushion Aficionado Pillows

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'I think he thinks I'm a pillow.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

Pillows in love.

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

"I don't care if you are on full alert, take that silly hat off before you tear the pillows to shreds!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

Comfort zone

If knee could talk: "Please sit back down."

'And slowly, over time, Al and his chair became one!'

You know you're getting old when....

"Justin isn't sleeping, he's giving his brain a rest."

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

American Idle