Whoopee Cushion Aficionado Gifts

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'I think he thinks I'm a pillow.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

Pillows in love.

The Common Sutra.

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

"I don't care if you are on full alert, take that silly hat off before you tear the pillows to shreds!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

Eventual Motion Machine

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

Comfort zone

If knee could talk: "Please sit back down."

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"Justin isn't sleeping, he's giving his brain a rest."

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'And slowly, over time, Al and his chair became one!'

You know you're getting old when....

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'