Whitening Warrior Pillows

'Get the whitening kind. . . I don't care about plaque, and the whitening one will whiten my plaque anyway, Joy.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

'The grudge match.'

The household cavalry

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Valleyview diet clinic

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"The lunch, grab the lunch!"

Shrink

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

New Hair Cloning Technology.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

"Ready to head back?"

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

Botox sharpei

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'