Whitening Warrior T-Shirts

'Get the whitening kind. . . I don't care about plaque, and the whitening one will whiten my plaque anyway, Joy.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'The grudge match.'

The household cavalry

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Valleyview diet clinic

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

New Hair Cloning Technology.

"The lunch, grab the lunch!"

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Shrink

"Ready to head back?"

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

Botox sharpei

Woman and scales.

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'