White Elephant Specialist Gifts

'They saw you coming.'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'Aw,hunting season is a cleansing time. A time to forget about my worries...'

Caliologist

'It's about that lizard you sold me four months ago.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Obama's letting all the progress we made in Iraq go right down the drain...He's trying to distract everybody...'

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

"Sure, I can help you improve your mating call: that's my specialty..."

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

Ophiologist

Veterinarian at a large animal clinic staring up at a huge beast.

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

Mahout and his elephant on wash day.

VETERINARIAN, 'He's lost his appetite.'

What Is This Crap?

VETERINARIAN, 'He's lost his appetite,'

"We need him. He gives us a unique perspective."

'The elephant man turned out to be just another Republican.'

Doctor Ernie, Animal Scientist, Answers Your Questions. A reader in Colorado asks "When should a colt be weaned from its mother?" A foal and his mommy are soon parted!

'. . . and nobody noticed the elephant in the room.'

'I always said there should be some limit to biodiversity.'

'I count four meerkats and one coolcat.'

'Sure it tastes like salt,it is salt.'

Pest Control.

Rose-colored glasses.

Elephants

"Does he bite?"

GOP: NO