Small Animal Specialist Gifts

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

Lifestyles of the hamsters of the rich and famous.

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

Taking goldfish for a walk.

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

'It's about that lizard you sold me four months ago.'

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

An inbred poodle.

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

Hamster on dialysis machine 'In my day we'd have had him put down.'

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

"May I keep my collar on?"

Grumpy Hamster

Ophiologist

"I'm afraid we'll have to keep him overnight. Are you going to need a loaner?"

'Adrian wants to be a vet when he grows up!'

'Gee, I wonder where he picked up this behavior?'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

Desert Vet.

"It's for the damn parrot"

'Will you get your eyes tested, you've put the hamster in the fish tank!'

'$200 for bladder stones? NOW I know what they meant by 'precious stones'!'

'It's very nice, but it's not really me. Do you have any of those little round, hollow, plastic balls?'