Whine Connoisseur Gifts

"It's my new theory of human evolution. Survival of the Whiniest."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

Man frozen in portrait pose.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints departement for men and women.

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

S**t Threw a Goose

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Moliere

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

C Day Lewis.

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Deadwood 25 miles

Moanathon.

'He's sending it back....again! I swear this guy can't get no satisfaction.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

After eating here for years, I've come down with abdominal pain and fatigue. Oh yeah? Also, irritability, sleep problems, headaches, loss of appetite, inexplicable weight loss, vomiting and constipation. Also, it took me three whole hours to figure out my new Apple watch, so chalk me up for learning difficulties. You're not by chance trying to get in one last lawsuit before Trump deregulates everything, are you? Heavens, no. Just feeling a little lead-poisony is all I'm saying.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."