Whimsical Mathematician Gifts

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

The Artist

Swan Fairy Tales

Lactose Intolerant

'Are you made of sugar?'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Dogs and their thoughts

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

Selfie Stick

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

"Scuba cow"

Spring Training

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

A man rakes a tree

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Girl to boy: 'If flowers could fly, they'd be butterflies.'

Fishing for Birds

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"