Whale Of A Wit Gifts

"I'd like to let you go, Willy, but this is your third offense."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

'Fancy a swift half?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"I feel like I have a book in me."

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

G.K. Chesterton.

Greece Idyll

Misguided Hairstyles of The Animal World.

"It put up a bit of a fight, but hey, I think we can both agree, it was worth it!"

"It's very faint, but it seems to say, "help, my name is Jonah, help!": what did you swallow exactly?"

"They're bifocal glasses: I can use them to read as well as to see long distance when I'm charging..."

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

Looking Daggers

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

Oscar Wilde

Penny for your lack of thoughts.

"Gee, I just love the British dry sense of humor!"

"Does state game law require me to tag him?"

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

'You're smarter than you look? -- well, I should HOPE so!'

'Wait 'til the last minute and jump to one side!'