Wellness Junkie Pillows

I'm telling you, this standing-on-your-head workout will add hours to your life.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Health

Apocalliptical

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"Holy moly!"

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"It's all down to turmeric!"

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

Woman with exercise bike

'Rent two 'feel good' movies, and call me in the morning.'

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Honestly Xanthe. You really need to start spending more on the lipsticks you lend me."

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

Gym workout.

'I'll have a two mile run, 150 sit ups and a side of weight training.'

"It's simple. Remove everything from your life that you enjoy, so you can live a long, unenjoyable life."

"Are they organic?"

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

'All I'm saying, Sweetheart, is that maybe you're not quite ready for the advanced yoga class!'