Welfare Worrier Pillows

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

Nervous Oral Testing

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

I think I have a gilt complex.

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Social security.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

Concern Chart

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"We seem to be the only animals here."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'You're fine.'

Vouchers, Vouchers, Vouchers

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

"Do you have money or is it money that has you?"

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

Eye of needle fat cat size That'll do nicely.