Welfare Worrier Gifts

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

Nervous Oral Testing

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

I think I have a gilt complex.

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Social security.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Concern Chart

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"We seem to be the only animals here."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"Do you have money or is it money that has you?"

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"Oh, great, the warranty is up."

Eye of needle fat cat size That'll do nicely.

'You're fine.'