Welfare Warriors Gifts

"I don't mind if it's a boy or girl so long as I Get Child Benefit."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Foster failure

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Hot Pie Therapy

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'What are you eating now?'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"Can I still do my pilates?"

Burnout Syndrome...

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.