Welfare Warrior Gifts

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Social security.

TV: 'It's 10 pm- do you know where your social security funding is tonight?'

'It's mixed news. I'm afraid we've had to cancel the support you've been getting to help out at home.'

"We seem to be the only animals here."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

Social Services held back by risk, unrealistic targets and budget cuts.

Please Help: Tory minister who claimed he could live on £53 a week.

"Work harder. People on state benefits depend on you."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'Well, well, well...'

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'To help save the environment, I've replaced all of our lightbulbs with compact fluorescents. Now I'm running the old ones over to the landfill...'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

Burnout Syndrome...