Wellness Worrier Pillows

Concerned patient looking at his chart.

'It's hypochondria-we're going to give a pretend MRI on this tanning bed.'

"I tried change, it didn't work."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Unguided imagery

Nervous Oral Testing

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

I think I have a gilt complex.

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Card: Get Human Soon!

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Concern Chart

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Expensive health care