Wellness Worrier Pillows

Concerned patient looking at his chart.

'It's hypochondria-we're going to give a pretend MRI on this tanning bed.'

"I tried change, it didn't work."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Unguided imagery

Nervous Oral Testing

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

I think I have a gilt complex.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

Card: Get Human Soon!

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

Expensive health care

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

Concern Chart

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'