Health And Wellness Worrier Pillows

'My husband doesn't like the side-effects of these diet pills. He had to buy me a whole new wardrobe.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Unguided imagery

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

I think I have a gilt complex.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Card: Get Human Soon!

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Expensive health care

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"