Health And Wellness Worrier Pillows

'My husband doesn't like the side-effects of these diet pills. He had to buy me a whole new wardrobe.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Unguided imagery

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

I think I have a gilt complex.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Card: Get Human Soon!

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

Expensive health care

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'