Weight Worrier Pillows

'You sure it didn't go around twice?'

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

I think I have a gilt complex.

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

New Years Reolutions

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

Energy Bills

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'