Welcoming A Child Gifts

"Once upon a time...long ago...before TV..."

Santa Claus's Mail

Welcome to the Team

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'Guess who's teething?'

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

The modern generation!

"Which one's yours?"

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Mime father in the delivery room.

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Dummies for Dummies.

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'