Welcoming A Child Pillows

"Once upon a time...long ago...before TV..."

Santa Claus's Mail

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Welcome to the Team

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'Guess who's teething?'

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

The modern generation!

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

"Which one's yours?"

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Mime father in the delivery room.

Dummies for Dummies.

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

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'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."