Welcoming A Newborn Gifts

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

Crying parent holds crying baby.

'Engorgement's not easy for either of us.'

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

'Great drink! You really should advertise more.'

'I knew it was too good to last.'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Luna - short for Lunatic.

Grim Reaper family - 'Look dear, his first death rattle.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"It's a birth certificate - not a certificate of authenticity."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

'The Fly' Starts A Family.

"Honey! It happened again!"

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

" ... and look at that grip, Daddy!"

"Welcome to the class of 2020. Here's a lists of things you cannot say, do or watch, in case they offend someone you've never met."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"Look, I got him his first phone."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'The Best Moment in your life...'

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

''#baby' is only temporary until we come up with a name we agree on.'

Baby Virus.

'I wonder if they've got wifi here?'

"I think I have diaper rash...whoever is responsible for this I'll sue when I grow up."

"She definitely has your neck bolts."

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."