Weighty Reader Gifts

Library: The Weight lifting Section.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Great British Eccentrics.

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

Where cartoon characters go on holiday...

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Bront?saurus.'

James Joyce.

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

"Javert" Would Like To Use Your Current Location

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Jane Austen

"I dropped my goblet!"

Ransom Library. Oh, that's just Henry … He's a history buff. Wild West.

'Good book?'

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

'What are you staring at? . . . Please save me from the English majors.'

Books*. *Batteries not included.

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

"So, you're telling me that you can't return, 'How to be a secret agent' because the final chapter instructed you to eat it after reading?"

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

The fifth generation computer thinking it over- 'Now that there gone I'll get to work on the sixth generation.'

Gigolo Diary

"You're a surprisingly good kisser for having two different dead guys' lips."

Librarian lifting a very heavy book for the body-building section

Louse and garden...

'Just a minute, officer. I found a loophole in this law book!'

Older cousin press

Impractical Gardener.