Weight-watching Foodie Gifts

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

But is it organic?

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Scales

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Fat man on scales.

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Trade you lunches?'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.