Weight Watchful Gifts

New Years Reolutions

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Dieting Motivation.

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

Scales

Fat man on scales.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

Weight Gain Denial

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'