Weekly Restaurant Outing Gifts

'Your check? Certainly,sir -- would you like it itemized?'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

The Fourth Little Pig

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

Fast food. Even faster food

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'