Weed Whisperer T-Shirts

"I've found the lawnmower!"

Johnny Appleseed's evil spawn

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

The Busy Gardener

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Gardener attacked by plants.

Plant Lady

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

Gardener

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

An Unexpected Guest.

Florabation - '..mmm...It must be spring!'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

"I'm losing my patience with you."

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

An old man growing berries

Award Winning Gardener

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

Botany Baby!

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"