Wedding Day Realists Gifts

Divorce lawyers offering a Bride and Groom their business cards.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Boat wedding.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Will you marry me if I can get funding?'

Preachers with far too much input

"You never chase me through back yards anymore."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I appreciate couples therapy, but I can't stop fantasizing about group therapy."

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

Cards: Wedding / You've Changed / You don't Understand Me / I'm Leaving! / I'm going for a pint!

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

"You can't expect me to be dependable all the time!"

"It was love at first sight, but spectacles have improved a lot since then."

"Don't wag your tail. It shows you're desperate."

Things one would rather have left unsaid - 'I will!'

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

"Oops!"

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."