Wedding Day Gifts

'Jim called to say he apologizes to you and the 300 guests, but he'll have to marry you next week instead. He totally forgot he made plans to go to a boat show this weekend.'

Groom chatting up girls at his wedding.

"He's in the middle of a big hand! Is it important?"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

Didn't You See My Update?

'I'm on the train.'

'It's two hours until the reception. I can easily get in nine holes.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'I now pronounce you first-time weds..'

'SECOND thoughts????'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'... And do you James, take Cathy to be your lawfully wedded first wife?'

"For details on the supreme court's ruling, here's my domestic partner and soon-to-be my legal spouse..."

"He's been a waiter for years."

"Well, I was hoping to squuze in 9 holes some time today."

Bride getting ready for her wedding.

Mother of the Bride

Pull yourself together

'Debbie, does this mean it's over between you and I?'

"Oh no, Dave is my reserve groom, just in case Steve doesn't show up."

'NOW I can have an overdraft with NO worries!'

What's the matter, baby? Henry says he's an atheist, Mum. He doesn't believe in hell. Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.

'Is it mine yet?'

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

'You should have ordered - this is the last cake in the shop...'

'Yes, it is important - wake him up!'

"What do you mean, 'Let's just laugh the whole thing off'?"

"I hired out a double for this bit."

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Demure lady with gloves

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."