Wedding Buff Gifts

"And do you take Goldie, to be your lawfully wedded primary caregiver?"

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Always with the String Theory."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Harvey, did you notice what a beautiful full moon we have tonight?'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Cat Spa

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

Sheep In Curlers

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

A Creature WAS Stirring

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Pair o' Keats.

'I think we should leave a trail of crumbs so we don't get lost.'

Dante's Undiscovered Prequels

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"Hello, editorial? This the comics department. One of your articles is leaking on us down here!"

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

Two men in barber shop

"What does she have that I don't?"

Rape of the Lock- The Toilet

"Remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of standing up to your mother."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.