Weddding Humor Gifts

A Bad Start

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

Just married.

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

Trouble Ahead

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

The climatic wedding scene from "I Married the Blob"

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'Yes he WILL do all that - I'll see to it!'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"