Weather Oddball Gifts

"It's going to rain all week, so I can't take you on walks to get your exercise. So, I'll teach you how to use this fitness machine."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Tonight: Wagner's Ring Tone Cycle.

Clam Spearing

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the rain...'

Will You Marry Me Marcy 'Tough break, Marcy.'

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

"Old Jack Frost nipping at your nose, eh?"

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

"Shake it and climate change occurs."

'And as a further sign of global warming, we have a front of fried eggs descending from the north.'

Cone of Uncertainty

Stormy Night

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't WANT to strike the same place twice. Didja ever think of that?"

Less Desirable Half-Women Half-Fish

"Suncreen's for the birds right, Oscar?!"

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

"Once again, I'm not dressed appropriately for the weather."

A jester doing the weather forecast.

Lake Skater

"Do you think we should have the barometer extended?"

Cloud Menopause

"The Chinese global warming hoax!"

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

'I'd like a full report on my office paint job.'

"With the current state of the world, it's heartwarming to see kids having good old-fashioned, innocent fun in the snow!"

Flood Map: You Are Here.

Hurricane Bomb

"Pardon me, but we ran out of gas. Can you tow us into shore?"

How tropical depressions are cured.

"If I were a meteorologist, 50% correct would be considered pretty good."

"Hail, Satan...!!"

"Gracie, remember how you wanted me to go on that school field trip tomorrow...and I said I was too busy? Well, my appointment has been canceled, so I can go!"

'Remember, it's not the heat, it's the humidity.'