Oceanic Oddball Gifts

Less Desirable Half-Women Half-Fish

Clam Spearing

Chicken soup for the sole.

Tonight: Wagner's Ring Tone Cycle.

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

Fisherman tricks a visitor into thinking a huge buoy is a fishing float for giant fish.

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

'Oceanographers go home'

Mermaid

A water skier is pursued by a shark.

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

"Let's just make random clicking noises: it will keep the scientists busy for years trying to decipher our language..."

"Once again, remains consist of a foul-smelling, gelatinous mass."

Replacements for Paul the Psychic Octopus

'What a disappointment: They were only interested in me jumping or balancing a ball on my nose...'

'I'd like a full report on my office paint job.'

'No, I'm not strictly catch-and-release.'

"Pardon me, but we ran out of gas. Can you tow us into shore?"

Surfboarder reading.

'Uh. . . maybe radiation does affect sealife after all.'

Guide to Edged Blade Fish

Becky regretted joining SeaHarmony.com

'Look! More roaches.'

"I thought she was being shy. It turns out she's a doom-dayer!"

Track & Field & Stream

Anything missing besides the pearl?

"It's going to rain all week, so I can't take you on walks to get your exercise. So, I'll teach you how to use this fitness machine."

'She's like a breath of fresh air.'

The Other Human Centipede

Billy's fire extinguishers, shoes and hooks - going out of business sale.

"What is the problem with you and the octopus!?"