Wearing Sportswear Gifts

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Robot Jogger

Golf Clubs Underwater.

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'OK. Sometimes, after games, when I'm all alone? I... I like to dress up in a NBA uniform.'

'Oh great, now I broke a nail.'

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

I bought a pair of running shoes, and haven't seen them since.

Knickers, little peaked caps, gaily striped socks - it's all so chic!

Designer Shoe Dwellers

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

Chav a Merry Christmas

'The sport's still a mystery to me. I just found out that I look great in uniform.'

"...and, as well as your salary, you will be eligible for company transport - a pair of our latest running shoes."

Ladies in Lycra

'Your son's sneakers called.'

"And that's why I avoid moisture-wicking sportswear."

'The shroud of Turin, I love God'

"You can tell by the footprint... those are expensive running shoes!"

Oops

Tennis

'It's the new goal keepers kit!'

'This is our new camouflage hat.'

'I play a lot of sports.'

Foam Finger Envy

"Oh no, sweetie. I don't play. I just want to look like I do."

Speed Dating: 'I don't think it matters how streamlined you are.'

'I'm better than you and you.'

'I like this one, but do you have it with the peak at the back?'

'Got any other form of ID?'

"We'll waive the 10 day wait period if you don't buy ammunition for 10 days."

Fashionable Golfer

Sports bras - different bras with sports balls for cups.