Weaning Warrior Gifts

"I fed the baby but if you don't want to see the results look away now."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Burn out

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Ciiiiiilaaaantrooooo."

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"I'm in real trouble this time -- I broke the house!"

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

'I haven't been campaigning for a creche all these years for nothing - you're going!'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'