Weaning Warrior Pillows

"I fed the baby but if you don't want to see the results look away now."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Burn out

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Ciiiiiilaaaantrooooo."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I'm in real trouble this time -- I broke the house!"

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

"You'll have one bite of everything!"