Growing Warriors Pillows

None of my plants do well...but I forgot I had an onion in my refrigerator, and it's sprouting leaves and growing well.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'I've been watering myself by taking showers. How come I'm not growing as tall as your plants?'

"You're starting to look like your old self again."

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

Child to another child - 'En garde!'

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

Argument between Disposable or Washable Nappies

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

"The last thing I expected was to find a giant squirrel from outer space raking our leaves. Not that I'm complaining."

Children Of The Coronavirus

"One man's apocalypse is another man's mandate."

"I want my work to be challenging, but not so challenging that it destroys my life, family and relationships."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

Starting School

'He's at the age where he's too old to be cute and too young be sensible!'

'We have to plant a tree every time we go out.'

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"I just gave you some water 20 minutes ago"

'How quickly did you say the seas would rise?'

"You fought the lawn, and the lawn won..."

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'

'Uh-oh, teacher burnout!'

Measuring a girl's height.

"What are you going to do when you become enormous?"

'You're an SUV owner? Well, why don't you just park right up front here...'

'No boys - You can't have an indoor swimming pool!'

We're off now, thanks for sitting,,,

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"