Water Therapist Gifts

"The secret of my good health? Well, my life is pretty much one long thalassotherapy session!"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

In case of emergency, break glass.

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.